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Make A-Rod a Devil Ray


Since everyone seems so intent on banishing Yankee 3rd baseman and New York whipping boy Alex Rodriguez from the Yankees, I have decided the best place for his exile is Tampa Bay. I am going to petition Major League Baseball to make this happen. Maybe even start Why is this such a great idea? Besides the fact that I thought of it, here are a few reasons:

1) Get A-Rod out of New York:
Fair or not, the Yankees, the media, and the fans have not been particularly nice to Mr. Rodriguez. All he has done is his best. Their maniacal hunger for a champion has turned A-Rod into walking basketcase – like Rick Vaughn in Major League 2. For only 1.258 cents a day (39 cents a month) you can help end this suffering, write Major League Baseball, and insist the Yankees trade A-Rod today.

2) The Hispanic Potential:
How better to capitalize on the growing Central Florida Hispanic population then to petition Major League Baseball to trade A-Rod to Tampa Bay? Sure A-Rod is from Miami, but close enough. If the Orlando Magic are beginning to realize the region’s ethnic buying power by exploiting back-up point guard Carlos Arroyo, shouldn’t the Devil Rays do the same? As an added bonus, A-Rod in Tampa Bay also appeals to Bud Selig’s desire to expand baseball internationally. So help out ol’ Bud and tell him to make Alex the Hispanic Miggey Manto.

3) Playing in the Boss’s Backyard:
Imagine the fun of seeing George Stienbrenner’s face every morning when he picks up the St. Pete Times or the Tampa Tribune and sees A-Rod smiling back in his new Devil Rays jersey. And when the pressure is off, and Rodriguez goes back to being a Triple Crown threat, odds are the Boss cancels his newspaper subscription in anger. But that’s one frown in a sea of smiling faces. At least he is not a Yankee anymore, right George?

4) Parity at its Purist
True, the American League East shed its predictable standings this year, with the Blue Jays finshing in second instead of the Red Sox, but because parity starts at home (or is that cleanliness?) Major League Baseball should look to making the division a bit more competitive. And since the Red Sox and Blue Jays have sort of a plan, and the Orioles are just a complete mess, why not start by sharing the wealth with Tampa Bay? New exciting ownership, young nucleus, and fan base dying to put down their shuffleboard sticks and bingo cards to go see a winner.

As you can see, a mandated A-Rod to the Devil Rays trade makes perfect sense. All Tampa Bay has to offer is prize young 3rd baseman B.J. Upton and anyone else excluding Scott Kazmir, Delmon Young, and Carl Crawford. It is a win-win situation for everyone: Major League Baseball, the Yankees, the Devil Rays, the fans, and most importantly, Mr. Alex Rodriguez. So write Major League Baseball today. Do it for the kids.

Bud Selig’s Address:
The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball
Allan H. (Bud) Selig, Commissioner
245 Park Avenue, 31st Floor
New York, NY 10167

– Jordi


3 comments on Make A-Rod a Devil Ray

  1. NO DAMN WAY! First of all, I hate A-Rod! I would rather have BJ Upton, Crawford, Kazmir, etc than A-Rod. A-Rod is a pre-madonna. He always chokes underpressure. Moreover, he is the most overated & overpaid baseball player in MLB. I think Tampa Bay is far better off without A-Rod. One individual, & I emphasize, individual does not make a team. A-Rod is a very selfish player, despite his talent. I also say this as a die hard Rays fan.

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