So Orenthal James Simpson is back in the news. Go Juice! According to ESPN.com, “Fox plans to broadcast an interview with O.J. Simpson in which the former football star discusses ‘how he would have committed’ the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend, for which he was acquitted, the network said.”
Ignoring the fact that OJ Simpson is probably so strapped for cash these days that he has to bring this up again and milk it completely for all it’s worth, I am curious: how would OJ have killed Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman? If OJ could get into the mind of a killer for a just a moment (not that he is one or anything), how would he plot the perfect murder? Well here at The Serious Tip we did some thinking of our own (not that we are killers either …), and here are the Top 10 ways OJ Simpson should have or could have killed his wife.
10) Hire Maurice Clarett and/or Ray Carruth.
9) Drive-by shooting (after all, it was L.A.)
8) Employ a band of ninjas. Because, of course, ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don’t even think twice about it.
7) Kill them softly with an Ashlee Simpson song.
6) Make them watch 24hr marathons of Naked Gun 33 1/3.
5) Tell Kato Kaelin if he does the deed he will be able to work in the porn industry.
4) Improvised explosive device – hey, it works in Iraq.
3) Run them down with a Hertz Rent-a-Car,
2) Better yet, a White Bronco.
1) Kill them yourself and hire Johnny Cochran.