Among the many fans of The Serious Tip is sports fan Zheke Snow, the self-proclaimed “Funkiest White Man Alive”. We are happy to announce Zheke will be The Serious Tip’s resident roving informant, sort of like Suzy Kolber if she looked more like Joe Namath. As a matter of fact Zheke looks very similar to the ancient Homo floresiensis pictured on right. But whereas Homo floresiensis probably couldn’t explain the intricacies of the Neutral Zone Trap, Zheke can. So without further ado ladies and gentlemen, get to know Zheke Snow:
On what grounds do you call yourself a sports fan?
What grounds do I call myself a sports fan? What grounds do you call yourself a person? It’s just what I was born to be. I can also tell you the inaugural Florida Marlins’ opening 9 if that makes a difference. And a bunch of other useless sports crap that impresses me and not many others.
So what teams do you currently root for? Pros, college, high school?
I root for the Miami Dolphins, Florida Marlins, Miami Heat, Florida Panthers in the pros (see a pattern here). In college, FSU, FAMU and FAU (now FIU because they talked that noise in the OB and before that it was common knowledge you just didn’t do that, way to stick it to The Man) In high school, the Atlantic Eagles and the Greensburg Salem Golden Lion hockey team.
There is a rumor going around that it was your fault Dan Marino never won a Super Bowl. How do you respond to these accusations?
Who told you that? Don’t make me start on why Dan was the greatest ever. The readers aren’t ready for that kinda truth. These are the kind of questions The Man asks just to get my blood pressure up. I think I’m gonna go find a Jets fan to pummel.
Is it true that since you relocated to Pittsburgh from South Florida you stopped rooting for the Panthers?
Not at all. I still follow the Cats but unless they are on OLN or VS or whatever the hell its called or are playing the Pens it’s hard to keep up.
So who is your favorite all-time Memphis Grizzlie and why?
This is easy. Definately Pau Gasol. He took the Grizzly Adams beard to the 10,000th degree and made it cool. Not enough mountain man beards in the NBA.
More impossible: Switzerland becoming a world power or the Cubs winning a World Series? Why?
The Swiss made it to the medal round in the last Olympic hockey tourney. That makes them already closer to becoming a world power than the Cubs are to becoming a champ. Sorry Cubs fans, but it’s true, go cry in your beer and blame Bartman some more.
Bigger embarrassment to Miami Hurricane football: Luther Campbell or Lamar Thomas?
At least Luther Campbell made some albums that did well. Lamar’s history involves sucking in the NFL, beating and trying to strangle his pregnant girlfriend and then wanting to go join in the Miami-FIU brawl. Why was Miami even brawling with FIU? In the old days, they only brawled with good teams (the game against the Colorado Buffaloes in the late 80s comes to mind) The old-school Canes woulda put 50 on FIU in the first half then put there subs in to rack up another 30 in the second half.
(Ed. Note: For an FSU alumnus, Zheke Snow isn’t the most culturally astute chap out there. This, Zheke, is Jenn Sterger (and also a cheap excuse to post Jenn’s picture). You can find more pictures of her about anywhere on the internet.
Who would win a seven game series: the ’03 Marlins or the ’97 Marlins?
The ’03 Fish. Mainly I say this because then everyone will stop saying the Fish bought their first series win. The Yankees and Red Sox try and buy championships every year. Nobody says that about them. Everyone says what a genius the overrated Brian Cashman (yeah, i said it) and Theo Epstein are. But I still think that the ’03 team would have prevailed. And if Mike Jackson is reading, looks like fish do fine in the cold weather.
What four different beers go best with each of the major four sports (baseball, basketball, football, and hockey)?
This is a great question. Well Labatt definately goes with hockey. I have drank so much Labatts during hockey games and playoffs I could by stock in the company. With the others I would have to say Rolling Rock. You could drink a bunch of it and not get that drunk (unless a waitress challenges you and your buddies and says you can’t handle anymore… then you drink a ton and get hammered).
What one sporting event at any point in history would have wanted to attend?
The Super Bowl that the Dolphins win. Other than that, Game 6 when the Marlins beat the Yankees.
What are you still doing here? Why haven’t you left yet?
I left 20 minutes ago.