Monthly Archives: October 2007

Creating a new chamber at the Carnival


Back in the old Negro Leagues, teams used to “borrow” stars such as Satchel Paige and Josh Gibson to boost the gate and draw more fans to the venues. Sixty years later, and not to compare myself to Paige and Gibson, I have been asked to add greatness and a touch of prestige to a fellow blog. The webmasters over at Epic Carnival have asked me to opine on things basketball during this year’s upcoming NBA season and after much negotiation and deliberation, I have agreed.

Epic Carnival, for those who might not know, is an amalagmation of various sports-writing bloggers coming together to promote each other and share their writing abilities in a vast expansive forum. The goal is to cover anything and everything that happens in the world of sports through various styles and methods. And now they have added me, the 45th Chamber.

Therefore, this year expect very few NBA posts this season at The Serious Tip. All my complaining about the Knicks and other observations on various NBA subjects will be done at Epic Carnival. Don’t worry, however, I will be alerting readers to each and every post I do on Epic Carnival. In the words of the immortal Bartels and James, “Thank you for your support“.

As an added bonus, and because I feel like filling up space, here is a killer kung-fu clip from Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (better known as the opening video to Craig Kilborn’s Five Questions).


Supplement Raids Stun Porn Industry


Recent supplement raids across the U.S. have intercepted numerous cases of erectile dysfunction drugs addressed to pornography stars and caused uproar throughout the adult film industry.

FBI sources have told The Serious Tip shipment lists on over 69,000 cases of ED drugs seized since February 2007 contained the names of numerous high-profile male adult performers. The most recent of these raids netted approximately 2,500 cases in Brooklyn, NY. Other raids have seized drugs in Miami, Fla., San Francisco, Ca., and Salt Lake City, Utah. Many of these raids, such as the recent NY seizure, made headlines due to their seizure of huge amounts of human growth hormone and other sports-related drugs.

“Although sports supplements such as HGH have gotten much of the publicity, we have seen a huge jump in the amount of illegal ED drugs headed towards the porn industry,” said an anonymous FBI officer who has worked on the case since late 2006. “We are working hand-in-hand with our other agencies to stop this epidemic.”

According to FBI sources, the drugs are generic versions of name-brand ED drugs such as Viagra and Cialis. Many are manufactured in poor third-world countries by children with no shoes and women who haven’t showered recently.

“I mean, I don’t want to take away these peoples’ only source of income,” said a second FBI agent new to the agency, “But we don’t need drugs like that in our porn. Those beautiful, blond, big-breasted, lovely, attractive, kind, sweet, young women need guys like us to protect them from the evils of drugs. Especially the girls in the cheerleading outfits. They look so innocent, yet sexy. Not that I watch porn or anything.”

Results of the raids have also caused controversy throughout the porn industry. Among those concerned is Jon Longfellow, a recently retired male performer and holder of several porn records, to include longest performance without ejaculation.

“I was clean my whole career,” said Longfellow. “Now I have to question these new guys. I mean, as some of them get closer and closer to the all-time records, how do we know if they were natural?”

Although the FBI has only recently disclosed the names on the shipment lists to top porn officials and not made any of their findings public, many female performers already have their suspicions.

“I knew something was wrong when one of the guys in my gangbang scene last week lasted way longer than any of the others,” said Britney Bazoombas, a three year veteran of the industry. “I was kneeling there, waiting for the moneyshot, thinking ‘wow, this guy has to be on something to last this long’. Now I know.”


Baseball Predictions 2007: The Dreary Recap


I am a pitiful prognosticator, a sad soothseer, a fallible fortune teller, and an atrocious analyst. I can’t hold a stick to Miss Cleo and I am not worthy of carrying the sack of Madam Ruby’s crystal ball. I stand before you today to sadly admit the sheer atrocity that was my 2007 baseball predictions.

Going into the season I had high hopes. It was the first time I attempted a league-wide estimate. I knew my baseball. How could I go wrong? Let me count the ways:

First, the American League:

Here are my original picks. As you can see, the only teams I got right were the Indians, Royals, Tigers, and Angels. Not one team from the AL East. Yes, I even got the Devil Rays wrong. Seems I was a little too supportive of the local team and picked them to finish above Baltimore. Not smart.

On to the Senior Circuit:

In the National League I did even worse, no thanks to my penchant for picking the New York Mets as favorites. Here are my original NL picks. If it wasn’t for the averageness of the Braves and Cardinals and ineptitude of the Giants and Pirates, I would have blown the whole league. Speaking of the Giants, I will take one bit of credit in this regard – in my January Haiku prediction special, I predicted Barry Zito would finish around .500. He finished with 11 wins and 13 losses.

And what of the World Series-bound Colorado Rockies? Would it surprise you if I said I initially forgot about them? After posting my predictions one evening, I went to bed, woke up the next morning, and realized both the Rockies and the Cincinnati Reds were missing. Yes, I forgot the eventual National League Champions and the oldest team in professional baseball. Of course, after thinking about it, I put the Rockies in 4th, barely above the last-place Giants. Hey, no one ever mistook me for Will Carroll or Jason Stark.

Overall, I correctly scored a mind-boggling 8 of 30, or 26.6%. After this year’s debacle, I am not sure I will even attempt predicting the 2008 season. Maybe I’ll keep it simple and alphabetize the teams in their respective divisions and say those are my predictions. Or maybe I’ll just pick the Pirates and Royals to play next October. You heard it here first.


Blog Action Day


I know I am late but October 15 is/was Blog Action Day. What is Blog Action Day? It is/was a day, nominated by the people that run Blog Action Day, when bloggers across the Internet hold hands, walk across America, pick up trash, and alert their readers that they should be nicer to Mother Earth, Gaia, or whatever you call the big ball of dirt we live on.

I believe in bettering the environment. It’s a good idea. Unfortunately, I drive a big pick-up truck, use beaucoup electricity to power my computer so I can blog, keep my air conditioning on well into late October, and throw bottles in my kitchen garbage pail. So don’t be like me.

To be honest, I’m trying to do better, really. The other day I took a commuter bus to work and I put an empty can of soda in a recycle bin crusher-thing. Baby steps.

Anyway, the moral of the story is be nice to the environment and it will be nice to you. Unless of course, you yell in the mountains and cause an avalanche and 18 feet of snow buries you alive. Don’t do that.

On a positive note, here are some great tips from scalp’ on how you can make your next tailgating session more environmentally friendly.


The best October event you’ve never heard of


With all due respect to the chaotic college football scene, the NFL, and the Major League Baseball playoffs, the most exciting event of October occured last week and sadly received little to no media attention. On Saturday, October 6th, the city of Chonburi, Thailand held their latest annual Water Buffalo Race.

For those not in the know (and I kinda include myself here, as I only recently found out about the event), water buffalo racing has been held in Chonburi for over 100 years. According to a Thailand travel e-zine the race had humble beginnings, but attracted royal attention in 1912 and afterwards amassed national popularity.

Held outside Chonburi’s City Hall, the event also doubles as a swapmeet for buffalo farmers, breeders, etc. But the main event has remained the races, which are usually divided into four weight classes: smallest, small, medium, and heavy. describes the event:

“These days it’s a grand small town affair. A procession of buffaloes, some wooden, some real, accompanied by assorted beauty queens move through town and onto the race grounds in the morning. Thousands of people make sure a raucous carnival atmosphere prevails. There are tug-of–war and pole climbing competitions, a big stage from which local dignitaries present the farm beauty queen contest and a posse of scantily clad dancers.”

Here is a video of one of the processions before the race.

After they line up and race begins, the water buffalo are goaded by their riders towards the finish line. Imagine an event similar to the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain although with riders attempting to control the beasts. (Click here for a good video of the event.) Of course, as with Pamplona, sometimes disaster strikes and a bystander or two gets gored.

Unfortunately, besides announcements of the event, I couldn’t find any results for the 2007 Chonburi Water Buffalo Races. I guess this means I’ll have to visit Thailand next year to post the winners. Maybe I’ll even live blog the event. Then again, maybe I’ll be really lucky and conduct an interview with water buffalo racing’s equivalent to Dale Earnhardt, Jeff Gordon, or Tony Stewart. I wonder which racer Budweiser sponsors?

Note: although most web sites list the event for October 6th, the official Thailand tourism site has it scheduled for October 24th. Perhaps that’s why I couldn’t find any results. Not sure which site is correct but if the event does occur on the 24th, just re-read this in two weeks.

(Image found at


Go Bowling with a Playmate


Monday, Monday, Monday … October 15th … Live in a bowling alley in Tampa, Florida, it’s 2004 Playmate of the Year Carmella Decesare! Come bowl with Carmella and see if you can amaze her with your ball-rolling ability. See if your athletic prowess in knocking down wooden pins at the end of a long, hard, slicked lane impresses one of the most beautiful women to ever grace the pages of Playboy. And it’s for charity, which means it’s for a good cause, or something, I think.

Who wouldn’t want to hang out with this woman while wearing really dopey looking shoes?

(Not pictured: Carmella’s husband and current Tampa Bay Buccaneer quarterback Jeff Garcia.)

Garcia Pass It On Foundation Upcoming Events

More Carmella pics (NSFW)


Velvet Revolver / Alice in Chains Live in Tampa


I wanted to post this over the weekend, but my previously mentioned ISP problems made doing so impossible. Anyway, last Saturday I got to check off a major goal in my concert going career. I saw Alice in Chains open for Velvet Revolver at the Ford Amphitheater in Tampa. Granted, Velvet Revolver was the headliner and they put on an absolutely great show, but I have wanted to see Alice in Chains in concert since I became a fan in the mid-1990s.

A few notes:

– When I bought the ticket, the guy at the ticket place told me new lead singer William Duvall sang just like late frontman Layne Staley. I’ll admit I was a bit skeptical, but Duvall nailed it. Very impressive.

– The set list was nothing new, which also kinda surprised me. I thought perhaps they would slide a new tune in or perhaps a song from one of guitarist Jerry Cantrell’s albums. Instead I got a heaping helping of classic Alice in Chains. And there is nothing wrong with that.

– Most of the songs came off of Dirt and the self-titled album, except “No Excuses” from the Jar of Flies album and “We Die Young” and “Man in the Box” from their first album, Facelift.

– As I watched the show, I started thinking, what is Alice in Chains’ most famous song? “Would?” was probably their first major hit, and “Rooster” is definitely up there, but I would almost have to go with “Man in the Box”. It gets plenty of radio play still, and has been used in a bunch of movies and at sporting events. Opinions welcome in the comments, of course.

– Speaking of “Rooster”, the band closed by playing the song while showing an awesome montage of war footage that spliced scenes of troops in Vietnam with scenes from the current conflict in Iraq. Flashing throughout the footage were pictures of Richard Nixon, Lyndon Johnson, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, and President Bush. While definitely not at the level of a U2 Bono statement, AIC’s video did a good job of putting geopolitics aside and showing the traumas, stresses, and similarities of two wars generations apart.

A few notes about Velvet Revolver:

– I’ve never seen Slash perform live before and I was blown away. His guitar playing skills were better than I thought.

– Unlike Alice in Chains, Velvet Revolver mixed some other material into their set, playing songs from their members’ former bands, Stone Temple Pilots and Guns’N’Roses. Of course, these songs drove everyone in the crowd wild.

– I was really surprised they played the Guns’N’Roses tune “Mr. Brownstone”, however. If memory serves me correct, the Virginia Tech killer wrote an essay with the same name and quoted the song quite extensively. Here it is. I thought maybe the band would have retired the song in tribute to the victims.

Overall, I would give this show a solid “A”. The 60 dollar ticket and the fact that the ushers did not let people take pictures (supposedly at the artists’ request) was the only reason it doesn’t get an “A+”. Highly recommended.

(Picture acquired from the Velvet Revolver web site.)


Oh, I’m still alive


My most humble apologies, dear fans of The Serious Tip. Due to technical difficulties, I was temporarily unable to access or any other Internet site from my apartment, or as I like to call it, de laboratory de Jordi. I won’t name names, but let’s just say my ISP hasn’t made my house all that bright lately.

Despite my lack of Intertube access, I have still been writing, albeit mostly in MSWord. So as soon as I can cut and paste everything into the bowels of The Serious Tip expect a bevy, a plethora, even perhaps a cornucopia of insight.

Again, my apologies.


Tuesday/ Wednesday’s Circular Ramblings


(Sorry, Tuesday ran late, so I had to finish this Wednesday. And the picture is from

All around the blogosphere and I, I, I can’t find my baby …

Ah, it’s not the end of a season without playoffs. And no playoff stimulates the groin more than The Big Picture’s “Would You Do” tournament. Leave it up to the guys at The Big Picture to make everyone come up large in the crotch clutch. Today’s battle features American Gladiator Ice vs. former USC basketball star Brynn Cameron. Get over there and vote!

Cameron, as many might know, caused some baby momma drama for Arizona Cardinal quarterback Matt Leinart, who as many might also know, once had a trist with celebrity social person Paris Hilton.

Hilton is, of course, better known for playing the role of pornstar in her adult movie, something I would hope does not apply to any player on The Extrapolator’s ACC Porn Name Team, which includes Korey Magnum of Florida State University.

Speaking of FSU, they were a ray of sunshine on what was for me a dismal sports weekend, beating Alabama 21-14 on Saturday. What I am to FSU, baseball pitcher Lance Cormier is to Alabama. Cormier played for the Arizona Diamondbacks in 2004 and 2005.

Arizona, as things would have it, is preparing to play the Cubs this week in Round one of the baseball playoffs. Good to know some of my favorite bloggers, Jack Cobra of Cobra Brigade and the six, ten, or 52 bartenders of Thunder Matt’s Saloon, are Cubs fans. Should make for some good reading this postseason. That is, if the guys at Thunder Matt don’t get too upset over the new TBS broadcasting crew, which interestingly enough, includes Ron Darling. Darling, by the way, is a co-announcer with Keith Hernandez for a team that for health reasons I won’t mention. However …

I’d venture to say less than .01% of the world knows this, but Keith Hernandez actually retired as a Cleveland Indian. The Indians, in more recent news, are taking on the Yankees in the first round of the playoffs. Like the aforementioned Cubs bloggers, another great blogger I read often is Yankee fan Stop Mike Lupica. Recently, he pondered about Shawn Marion.

Marion reminds me of The Matrix which reminds me of Ted “Theodore” Logan, which reminds me of Richard Nixon. Nixon was a lawyer in 1965, the year Malcolm X was shot. Malcolm X of course started as a member of the Nation of Islam, as might be the fine distinguished gentlefolk from the Nation of Islam Sports blog. Recently, this highly recognized crew discussed the merits of the Notre Dame football program.

Notre Dame has been pathetic this year, even losing to Michigan, the alma mater of Steve Hutchinson, who plays for the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings, of course, lost to the Green Bay Packers and Brett Favre, who, besides setting a new touchdown record, began his career in Atlanta.

Atlanta, besides being home of the Goodie Mob, is the stomping ground of Jay Busbee, formerly of Sports Gone South and now of Atlanta Magazine. Busbee, who’s probably crying his eyes out that Andruw Jones won’t be a Brave anymore, squared off against The Big Picture in the Ladies … Hot Blogger Contest.

Speaking of The Big Picture …