2010
05.02

jesus vamp atheist beat-downMaybe it is all the earthquakes, floods, and other disasters hitting us this year, but for some reason I was thinking about Jesus the other day.

Well, not really the Bible Jesus, but the Second Coming, Seven Signs, Apocalypse, and all that. Real wrath of God-type stuff.

What if Jesus were to come back and just show up today?

First, if His arrival was universally accepted as the Second Coming of the Son of God it would be a miracle in and of itself. We have too many cynical, opinionated, so-called experts, analysts, and other media prognosticators out there whose only job in life is to disagree and sell that opinion to the masses. Disagreement sells and debating the Second Coming would definitely move products and sell ads.

Tonight on FOX, O’Reilly talks about the Second Coming of Jesus with a bishop of the New York Diocese and Bishop Magic Don Juan! It’s can’t miss viewing!”

But even if all billion Christians agree on the New Jesus, there are still 5-6 billion other people on Earth. Let’s say Jesus comes with the Mahdi, and many of the 1.2 billion Muslims support the effort, that’s still barely a third of the world’s population and less than the populations of China and India combined.

Good luck breaking into that market.

Of course, if Jesus arrived in a third-world country, people of the first-world might dismiss Him as at best a heretic and at worst a kook. There is no way He could sway the global opinion of the first world within the first few years of preaching and proselytizing. There is too much competing for the attention of the people in Western culture for them to recognize a new Savior.

“Hey, there is a guy in Nigeria who has supposedly fed 3,000 people with just a basket of fish.”

“Oh really? Did you see American Idol last night?”

“Yeah.”

(Kinda like Gil Scott Heron’s Small Talk at 125th and Lennox.)

Needless to say, Jesus would need to make a splash. Although I don’t think that’s His style. I don’t think He is the kind of guy who would try to jump to the front and toot His own horn.

But what about His disciples? Would there be disciples for the Second Coming?

With all we know about everyone these days, how would Jesus select new disciples? I don’t think He would go the game show route. I doubt there would be an American Idol-style selection show to pick the people to hang with the Son of God.

Maybe He would peruse Facebook for people who meet His criteria.

Here is another question: Would His new disciples be a collection of all the world’s people? I can imagine someone complaining that Jesus’s new disciples don’t represent them.  Imagine the editorials if Jesus’s new posse didn’t contain someone from a major ethnic group. Would that infer they aren’t going to be saved or that they don’t have the favor of God?

As the old disciples were basically Jesus’s public relations team, I wonder what the roles of the New Disciples would be. Would they be Jesus’s hype people, like religious versions of Flavor Flav? Would they create a Facebook page? Would Twitter be the platform of the new Hadith? You gotta wonder if Jesus would select New Disciples not only based on their ethnicity, but also on what public relations, advertising, writing, and marketing skills they bring to the table.

If that’s the case, yo Yahweh, I can blog.

(Image from the movie Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter.)

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  1. As a Deist, I don’t really believe any of the stuff that was written in the bible , but if there is a second coming of Jesus Christ in modern times, It must be TIM TEBOW —His disciples (sp) are Urban Meyer, Josh McDaniel, Dan Mullen and Jimmy Sexton, plus it would appear Woody Paige is joining up based on his columns in the Denver Post…. Signed a Believer…

  2. This is the kind of foolishness that disappoints me. Everyone knows that there WAS a second coming of Jesus Christ! It happened from 1983 to 1999 in the beautiful city of Miami. His greatness was named Dan Marino. His followers were two guys named Mark and a wise old man named Don. … Signed another true believer